


Suze & Susan

by Laparoscopic



Series: EGS [6]
Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: Fairy Doll, Friendship, Gen, Growth, Healing, Help, Little Suze, Other, Slice of Life, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: Susan talks some things out. With a little help from Little Suze.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little slice-of-life, not very plot-heavy. I think it stands alone(?), but it will probably make more sense if you've read the chapter _Susan_ in _Ten Scenes from a Relationship_ first. (Mind you, that chapter is Explicit, where this is not.)

Susan sat down on the edge of a chair in Edward’s home office. “Thanks for seeing me,” she said, somewhat stiffly.

“Of course,” he said. “Grace said you had something you needed to ask me?”

Susan nodded, staring at a collection of school portraits of Tedd that adorned a portion of one wall. There were also a couple of pictures of Grace in the bottom, most recent, row. The next to the last one was slightly crooked, which she found a little distracting.

“What about?” he prompted, after several moments of silence.

Susan grimaced and tore her attention away from the photos on the wall. _Just ask._ She looked at Edward briefly, then away again. “I… need help.”

“All right. What kind?”

Susan bit her lip, then said, “Personal.”

Edward nodded, then asked patiently, “Meaning?…”

Susan sighed, and closed her eyes. “Psychological. And magical.” She opened her eyes, and looked at him, eyes faintly pleading. “Are there any psychologists, or therapists, who deal with… people who use magic?”

“Ah.” Edward seemed to relax a little. “Yes. Of course there are.”

“Of course?”

“Oh, yes. You might be surprised at how many there are, actually. A lot of non-human people work in the mental health profession. I think they start off studying human psychology in order to better fit into our society, then it grows into a career from there.”

“Oh.” Susan processed that for a few moments. “So… most of these therapists aren’t human?”

“Well, no, not most, but a lot. Almost a quarter. Non-human in the same sense that Grace isn’t human. Is that an issue?”

Susan gave the matter serious thought for a moment. “No… no, actually, that might be helpful.”

“You said magical problems as well as psychological. Are there any problems that _I_ might need to be concerned about? Professionally speaking.”

Susan shook her head. “No. It’s just that some of my… _issues_ arise from magical things, and I want to have a therapist with whom I could discuss things honestly, without having to worry about them wanting to lock me away for talking about fairy dolls and vampires.”

Edward gave a faint smile and nodded understanding. “Good thinking.” He turned to his desktop computer, and clicked through a few screens. “Last I checked, there are almost thirty or so within an hour’s drive of here, mostly in the city, of course. I’ll email you a link to a page listing local therapists who are either alien, magic users, or are at least aware of the existence of the same.”

“A web page?” Susan asked, startled.

“Yes. There’s nothing on the page about magic, or aliens, of course, but they’re all vetted and trustworthy. This way you can ‘shop around’ to find the right fit. I know from personal experience that it can sometimes take going to a few different therapists before you find one you feel comfortable with.”

Susan blinked at that, surprised at the casual confidence.

“Also, the web page provides links to what insurance companies they each work with, and copay information, and so on.”

“Insurance?” Susan, startled, giggled briefly, then bit her lip. “I guess I hadn’t been thinking that far ahead.”

“Oh, the cost of good therapy can add up quickly. Even for a, ah, family of your means, insurance is vital.”

“Right.” Susan felt her shoulders relax a little. This conversation had gone far more painlessly than she’d feared.

“At the start of your first meeting, tell them you were referred to them by Dr. Michelle Bennigan. That will let them know you’re part of the magical community. I’ll include her name in my email to you, so you don’t forget it.”

“Michelle Bennigan. Right.” She stood up, and said, “Well, I won’t take up more of your time. Thank you for your help.”

“Of course.” Edward stood up too. He knew her well enough that he didn’t offer to shake her hand, but he inclined his head towards her. “Life can be confusing enough without adding magic into the mix. I hope you find the help you need. Let me know if I can do anything else to help.”

Susan flashed him a brief smile. “Thanks,” she said again, as she let herself out of his office.

Grace was draped sideways across the armchair in the living room, playing on a hand-held console, as Susan came down the hall. She looked up, and set the game aside as Susan entered the room. “Everything go okay?” she asked.

Susan nodded.

“Good, good.”

Susan could tell Grace wanted to ask her what the visit was all about, but she was restraining herself. Susan was reluctant to satisfy her curiosity, but then she remembered Edward’s casual admission that he’d seen a therapist too. _It’s nothing to be ashamed of_ , she reminded herself. Tried to believe.

 _Well, start by_ acting _like you believe it, then maybe someday you will._ She smiled at Grace, took a deep breath, and said, “I just needed to get a list of local therapists who could deal with magic users.”

“Oh. That’s all?” Grace looked faintly disappointed, and Susan almost giggled. “I thought… I mean, good for you! It can help to have someone professional to discuss your problems with. If you end up seeing Dr. Hurtig, tell her I said hi.”

Susan was startled. “You have a therapist?” Grace was the most cheerful and centered person she knew, seemingly utterly at home in her own skin. Whatever skin that might be, at the moment.

“Had. For about a year. After I… moved here, I was having problems sleeping. Nightmares and such. Edward found her for me.”

“Oh.” Susan was pretty sure that this was the point at which a normal friend might offer a hug, but she was still a little on edge from her nervous anticipation of meeting with Edward, and didn’t feel up to the effort. “Well… I’m glad she could help. Maybe I’ll check her out.”

“Do. She was great. Warm and grandmotherly.” Grace gestured toward the basement stairway. “Do you want to hang out a while? Maybe play some games, or watch a show?”

Susan started to decline, “I need to get to work—” then she noticed Grace’s expression shift, just a little, a flicker of disappointment behind her smile. “—but… my shift doesn’t start for an hour. Maybe just a little while? Half an hour or so?”

Grace perked back up. “Great! Come on, let’s see what we’ve got that you’re interested in,” and she lead the way down stairs.

 

* * *

 

Susan experienced a strong sense of déjà vu walking into Dr. Tannen’s office. Even though his office had changed locations since the last time she had seen him, some seven years ago, he still had the same comfy couch, over-stuffed chairs, and antique roll-top desk. And, in the corner,the large dollhouse that she’d always wanted to play with, but had felt she was ‘too old for dolls’ to ever actually indulge in.

“Hi, Dr. Tannen,” she said, a little shyly. “Long time no see.”

“Susan! Welcome, welcome. It’s good to see you again. I’m sure you’re probably sick of hearing this, so I’ll get it out of the way immediately: my, you’ve grown since last I saw you.”

Susan smiled, and nodded. She was a little disconcerted to realize that she was now an inch or so taller than Dr. Tannen. She decided to use the comment as an entry to what was potentially the most awkward part of the meeting.

“I know. Last year I experienced a magic-induced growth spurt, that shot me up about three inches in as many months.”

Dr. Tannen seemed to freeze for a moment, looking at her with an expression suddenly gone from warm to neutral. “Magic-induced?” he asked levelly.

Susan nodded. “I was referred to your office by Dr. Michelle Bennigan,” she said.

“Ah.” He blinked, looking both startled and enlightened. The warmth returned to his smile. “Well. That explains the growth spurt, I suppose.” He gestured towards the room, and said, “Won’t you sit down?” As always, he let her choose first, allowing her to choose where was most comfortable for her.

Susan headed for the overstuffed armchair that had always been her choice when younger. She reflexively started to pull her legs up under her, only to find that she was now too tall to fit into the seat in that position. A little dismayed, she settled for tucking one leg under her. Dr. Tannen sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

“So. Shall we start with why you wanted to see me again?” One of the reasons Susan had gotten along with Dr. Tannnen was his no-nonsense approach to things. He was fairly direct, for a therapist, and did not waste time on what Susan considered small talk or trivialities.

Susan had gone over a dozen different ways to start this conversation in her head, but now that she was here, she felt a need to prove what she was talking about.

“Well… there are a lot of things that I could benefit from discussing, but one of the reasons I wanted to see a therapist again was because of some issues that have come about because of my fairy doll.”

He cocked his head to the side slightly, and smiled curiously. “Fairy doll? I’m not sure I’m familiar with that term.”

“This,” said Susan, and she summoned Little Suze to her. The fairy doll _popped_ into the air in front of her, hovering at head level.

Dr. Tannen’s eyebrows shot up. “Impressive,” he said. “Creation of animate artifacts is a feat of no small strength and ability.”

Susan shook her head, but before she could explain further, Little Suze turned around and saw Dr. Tannen. The little construct flew to him and plastered itself to his chest, trying in vain to wrap its small arms around him in a hug. Susan flushed, and sighed. “I should have mentioned before I summoned it, it sometimes acts like an externalized manifestation of my subconscious. And, _yes_ , I’m happy to see you again.”

Dr. Tannen looked down at the little doll, a bemused expression on his face. “And I’m happy to see you too, I assure you.” He gently slipped a finger under each of Little Suze’s hands, and pulled it off his chest. The little doll smiled at him, and hovered in front of him for a moment. It nodded with a blush, and flew off to sit on the arm of Susan’s chair. “She has your face.”

“This one does, yes.”

“This one?”

“I have three others. But I should say, I didn’t create it. A friend of mine, who’s very strong, magically speaking, created it for me. I can merely summon it, and, to a more-or-less extent, control it.”

“I see.” He gazed thoughtfully at Little Suze. “Even so, the summoning and control of such a magical artifact is not a trivial feat. Your abilities _are_ impressive.”

Susan flushed, and looked down. “I wish my control were a bit _more_ impressive.”

“How so?”

Susan sighed, and stared at little Suze. Her own face, in miniature, stared back up at her, wearing a wry, sympathetic smile. This was getting into the heart of the most embarrassing parts of what she wanted to see a therapist about much more quickly than she had anticipated. She also felt some reluctance to bring up her sex life with a man who had known her so well when she was a little girl. She tried to address it as well as her embarrassment would let her.

“That’s… a little awkward.” She paused a moment, then procrastinated on the issue a little by asking, “Do you mind my asking—what are your experiences with the magical and alien worlds?”

“Ah. My bona fides, as it were?”

Susan nodded. “I was told the list of therapists I got included magic users, aliens, and, uh, normal people who knew about both of those things. I was quite shocked—but pleased!—to see you on the list. So, which category do you fall into?”

Dr. Tannen smiled. “Am I a wizard, a bug-eyed monster, or a muggle?”

Susan laughed at the Harry Potter reference. “Yeah. Essentially.”

“Does it really matter?”

Susan sighed. “I had guessed you might answer that question that way.”

“Did you come up with a response?”

Susan nodded. “Partly it’s simple curiosity, of course. I never had any clue you were ‘in the know’ about this other world when I last saw you. Of course, neither was I, at the time, so I couldn’t have known what to look for. But… more than that… I have a friend who’s Uryuom. She sometimes comes at things from a point of view that’s slightly askew from the rest of us. I have to admit, I’m kinda hoping you’re Uryuom, or some other alien, too. I think I could benefit from a point of view that’s slightly different from the rest of humanity. And if you’re a magic user, well, at least I won’t have to explain everything magical in quite so much detail.”

“Ah. Reasonable.” He tented his fingers in front of his face and stared at the floor for a few moments, thinking. “I don’t always answer that question, depending upon the client. But as I recall you were always a very… fact-based girl. I think it might be useful for you to know. So, yes, I’m Uryuom. Seyunolu Uryuom.”

“Tulougol? Or Roaisol?”

Dr. Tannen looked startled, then he laughed. “You _are_ well informed. Tulougol. Two Uryuom parents and two human, if it matters.”

“No, I was just curious. Thank you for telling me.” Susan hesitated a moment, then her curiosity compelled her to further ask, “Is this your natural form? Or is it a shape-shifted disguise?”

He smiled. “Shape-shifted. But I wear it so constantly, I don’t think of it as a disguise. It’s just who I am, at this point.”

“Hunh. My friend Grace likes to spend a lot of her time in her natural form.”

“She’s the Uryuom you mentioned?”

“Yes. Also Tulougol Seyunolu, but I don’t know all of her parentage. Though I know they did include a squirrel.”

Dr. Tannen looked surprised. “A squirrel.”

“Yes. It’s… a long story.”

“Then perhaps it can wait, unless it’s immediately relevant to your issues.”

“Not really.” Susan looked down at the arm of her chair, but little Suze had disappeared. She looked around the room, then looked back over her shoulder and spotted the doll, appropriately enough, in the doll house. It was rearranging furniture in the bed room. Susan gave an exasperated sigh. “Suze, get back over here.” The fairy doll looked up at her and stuck its lower lip out in a pouty face, but made no movement towards returning to Susan’s side.

Before Susan could repeat the command using the magical emphasis which compelled Suze’s compliance, Dr. Tannen commented, “You call it Suze?”

“Yeah. My first fairy doll was a miniature copy of my friend Nanase, and she called the doll Little Nase. Little Suze seemed like the logical choice for a doll with my face.”

Dr. Tannen nodded. “Reasonable.” Just as Susan was opening her mouth to command Suze to her side, he added, “Why not let it play?”

“Uh…”

“Unless you need it for something else?”

“Well, no… I just…”

“You always wanted to play with that doll house before, so why not let your doll do so now?”

Susan shot him a sharp look. “You _knew_ I wanted to play with the dollhouse?”

“Oh, yes. It was… rather obvious. Though you never took me up on my numerous gentle hints that you do so.”

“Numerous hints?” Susan was puzzled. “I… don’t recall that.”

“Hm. Interesting.”

Susan gave him a flat stare. “And I haven’t gotten any more fond of that particular phrase over the years.”

Dr. Tannen chuckled. “Noted. I should say, I don’t usually see clients both as children and then again as young adults, unless I’m seeing them continuously for all the years in between. It may take some adjustment on my part to get used to the new, more adult, you.”

Susan nodded in understanding. She glanced back at Suze, then put the little construct out of her mind as she turned back to Dr. Tannen. “Yes, well, some of what I want to discuss is more adult in nature.”

“Oh?”

“Like, my… sex life. My _solo_ sex life, I should say. I’m, ah… still a virgin.”

“Is that important to you?”

Susan shook her head and grimaced. “No. But… the _why_ I’m still a virgin, why I’ve never even been on a _date_ , is part and parcel of some of my concerns.”

“How do you want to proceed with those concerns?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if you wanted to, and felt able, you could provide me with a list of your concerns, things you wish to work on, or goals you wish to work towards, through therapy. Or we could just work on catch-up at first, with you telling me what your life has been like for the past seven years, how your adolescence went, how you came to be a magic user, and so on. Or some combination, or other approach, whatever works for you.”

“Ah.” Susan sat and thought a moment. “I did make a list, of things I wanted to work on, discuss. I’ve become a bit more… _organized_. Over the past few years. I’m not anywhere _near_ clinically OCD, but, I confess I fear heading down that path if I’m not careful.”

“The specter of OCD can be frightening, but it _is_ fairly treatable, especially milder cases, with medication and behavioral therapy.”

Susan gave a sharp nod. “I know. That’s a part of why I’m here. To cut that off at the start, if it turns out I’m heading that way.”

“Not unreasonable. Were there other concerns on that list?”

Susan snorted.

“I take it that’s a yes?” Dr. Tannen said with a gentle smile.

Susan paused, then shrugged and bent down to grab her shoulder bag from the floor. She pulled out her phone. “Yes. Literally a list. How about… Can I just read the list to you, without explanations at first, and we can work our way through it as we go?”

“Of course.” He pulled a pen and pad of paper off of his desk, clicked the pen point out, and sat ready.

“Okay. Let’s see.” Susan pulled up her list on her phone. “List of things to work on with Dr. Tannen.” She paused, then looked up at him. “These aren’t in any particular order, it’s just the way they occurred to me.”

Dr. Tannen nodded. “All right.”

Susan took a deep breath, and looked at her phone. She determinedly read straight down the list without pause.

“One: OCD tendencies.”

“Two: Cleanliness, germ phobia.”

“Three: Fear of contact, intimacy.”

“Four: Lack of a relationship (“boyfriend”).”

“Five: Vampires/aberrations, trip to France.”

“Six: University.”

“Seven: Mom’s alcoholism, and my addictive behaviors.”

“Eight: Little Suze’s behavior when I’m… uh, masturbating.”

“Nine: Tedd and Sarah and Grace and voyeurism.”

Susan looked up at Dr. Tannen and gave a wry smile. “I almost feel like I should come up with another, to make it an even ten, but… that way lies the path to OCD behavior, I think.”

“Well, it’s not quite as simple as that. But did you have a tenth item you wanted to add?”

“Well, number seven could be split into two items, but I think they really go together.”

“All right. May I read this back to you to make sure I got it all right?”

Susan grimaced at the thought of hearing him voice all of her neuroses and fears aloud. She stretched out her hand, offering him her phone. “Here, you can read the list for yourself.”

“Thanks.” He took the proffered phone, and compared it to his written list.

Susan glanced around for Little Suze while he did that. Suze was still in the dollhouse, but it had moved to the living room. It was sitting quietly in a doll armchair that was not quite big enough for it, just watching Susan and Dr. Tannen, its face neutral. That was odd in and of itself; the little construct’s default “mood,” if a non-sapient object could be properly said to have a mood, was usually cheerful and smiling.

“Here you go.” Susan looked back at Dr. Tannen, and retrieved her phone from him, dismissing Little Suze from her mind.

“So. Was there any item in particular you wished to address first? Or did you have some other approach in mind?”

Susan knew she wanted to start with her lack of a romantic relationship, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. It just felt too clichéd and shallow. Or perhaps she should start with voyeurism, and her interactions with Sarah and Tedd and Grace. But that felt a little too outré and sexual to deal with right off the bat.

She knew, intellectually, that she could be best served in therapy by being forthright and honest, but just sharing the list at all had been a little emotionally exhausting. She didn’t have the nerve to jump straight to the hard topics first.

She shook her head. “Not really. They’re all issues that concern me, obviously. Was there anything that jumped out at you as a starting point?”

He looked at his notepad for a moment. “Well, to my eye the most incongruous item is number five. What do vampires and France have to do with one another?”

Susan snorted and nodded her head. “That’s actually a good starting point. France is where I got my first magical abilities, thanks to a couple of meddling asshole immortals, who recruited me and my friend Nanase to kill a vampire.”

Dr. Tannen’s face remained pleasantly neutral, but Susan got the impression that she’d startled him. “You’ve had dealings with immortals?” he asked.

“Far more than I’d like. Enough so to know that the first two I met _were_ assholes. Even as immortals go.”

“Ah.” Dr. Tannen paused, and stared at his note pad for a few moments. He looked back up at her and said, “I think you may need to go into a bit more detail for me, then. I’ve had no interaction with immortals, and my knowledge of them is sketchy and theoretical at best.”

“Count your blessings. If you can avoid them, you’ll be better off.” Dr. Tannen nodded. “Well. It started the summer after freshman year with a school trip to France…”

 

* * *

 

The fifty-minute hour flew by quickly, as it so often had, in Susan’s recollection.

“So. I feel like we got a good start on catching up here today, and began to touch on some of the issues concerning you,” Dr. Tannen said, drawing the session to a close. “Do you want to continue meeting on a regular basis? What works for you?”

Susan nodded. “When I first called, you said something about also having a Thursday evening time slot available?” Dr. Tannen nodded. “If you don’t mind… I think I’d like to meet twice a week.” She grimaced. “I’ve only got about three or four months, before I head off to university. And then I’ll have to start over with a new therapist, I guess.”

“Well, I do occasionally do sessions via Skype, but, yes, for regular sessions, you’d be best served to have someone you could see in person.” He flipped through his calendar, and said, “Yes, I could do that. How about, I’ll put you down for twice a week for the next four weeks, then we’ll reconsider from there.”

“That would be great.” Susan glanced over to the doll house for Little Suze as she unzipped the main pocket on her large shoulder bag. “Oh!” she gulped, startled.

Dr. Tannen looked up from his calendar. “What?” he asked, then saw where she was looking. “Oh. Yes. Little Suze spent a large part of the session rearranging the doll house.”

Susan’s face went red, although she wasn’t quite sure why that embarrassed her. She realized that from where he had been sitting, Little Suze must have been visible to Dr. Tannen the entire time, over her shoulder.

“I actually found its actions a useful barometer for your mental state,” he said. “If you wouldn’t mind bringing it along to future sessions, it might be beneficial.”

Susan closed her eyes, and sighed. “I knew it acts like a link to my subconscious sometimes. I should have considered what that might mean in a therapeutic setting.” She opened her eyes to see Little Suze fly up to her. Suze smiled broadly, and gave a little curtsey mid-air in front of her. Susan smiled sourly and shook her head, and held her shoulder bag open.

“Get in, you,” she commanded. Suze landed on the edge of the bag, then slipped inside. Susan withdrew the magical attention required to animate Little Suze, and it went plastic and still.

“You don’t just send it home?” asked Dr. Tannen curiously.

Susan shook her head as she tucked Suze in and zipped up the bag. “Summoning it _to_ me is easy. Sending it somewhere else can be tricky. Simpler to just carry it. And un-summoning it generates a loud bang and gust of wind, too.” She glanced down at her shoulder bag, and sighed. “I’ll… think about bringing Little Suze with me next time. I can always summon it if desired.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with. I think it might be helpful, but not if it bothers you.”

Susan nodded, then said, “See you Thursday, then.” She hesitated a moment. When younger, she had ended most sessions with a hug, but that felt a little odd, now. It wasn’t solely her issues with touching other people; it just felt socially awkward, as an adult. She shot him a quick, nervous smile, and headed out the door. Dr. Tannen smiled back.

“Have a good week. Call me if anything comes up.”

 

* * *

 

As she got into her car to head home, she knocked the rear-view mirror askew while placing her handbag into the passenger seat. She glanced up at the mirror and reached out to adjust it, then she caught sight of her face in the mirror and paused.

She stared at her reflection for a long moment, taking a closer look at herself for the first time in a while. She ran a hand through her hair, patting it into place. She was finally getting used to the fact that she didn’t almost constantly have blonde roots waiting to be dyed black. One positive side-effect to her magic awakening that she hadn’t yet mentioned to Dr. Tannen.

She shook her head, and finished re-adjusting the rear-view mirror for its intended purposed. She stuck her key in the ignition, but didn’t start the car just yet. A sense of déjà vu niggled at her attention.

 _Ah. That’s it._ She realized that lurking at the back of her mind was the memory of the night she’d given Sarah a ride home, and they’d had the discussion that had ultimately lead to their odd sexual encounter. _Probably should try and make sure I get around to discussing that next time._ The idea was a little scary, but, also, somewhat energizing. Liberating. _He’s a Uryuom. Polyamorous and non-standard relationships won’t seem too outrageous to him._

Even so, she was a little surprised to find that the idea of discussing the matter wasn’t more frightening. She knew it was probably in part a deep-rooted reaction to her childhood relationship with Dr. Tannen. She trusted him, at a deep, visceral level. One of the few men—or people—she felt that way about. Coming out of the session, she felt relaxed and comforted, cherished for who she was, flaws and all. Somewhat similar to what she’d felt after waking up cupped in Sarah’s hands.

She recalled what Sarah had said to her then, shortly after she woke up: _You’re smart, and determined, and strong. You’ll find a way to get what you want. One way or the other._ Susan nodded sharply to herself.

_She’s right. I will. It may take a while, but with hard work, a good therapist, and even better friends, I’ll get there._

She smiled a little, then reached over and unzipped her bag. She pulled out Little Suze, then imbued it with the spark of magic needed to animate it. The fairy doll fluttered its wings, then glanced around the car. It had a slightly incredulous look on its face, which made Susan laugh.

“Come on, you little brat. I’ve got some work to do. And for once, you’re going to help.” Little Suze grinned, gave her a thumbs-up, then flew to the dashboard to sit down, facing out. Looking forward to where they were heading.

 

 

 


End file.
